I am feeling a lot better this week. Through my CBT I have learnt that my reflex way of thinking doesn’t allow me to do new things or take risks because I automatically think I can’t do it. I am trying to make positive changes for my life. For example, I want to apply to the Open University to do a degree in Creative Writing but I fell at the first hurdle. When I downloaded the seven page form to send off for credit transfers I looked at it and cried – I felt defeated straight away. I think things are too difficult for me when in fact I am perfectly capable. I just need to focus and apply myself. When I looked properly at the form I realised it wasn’t that bad. I had to contact my old university to dig out my transcripts but it really wasn’t that difficult. Now I have it all ready to send off and await the next step in applying. It’s all about taking small steps. My defeatist mind is telling me ‘what are you doing? You can’t do a degree!’ but if I never apply then I won’t even know if I could get a place or not. I am also feeling good this week about losing two pounds! I put on two stone when I was on Olanzapine and am really unhappy with my weight right now but all my hard work is obviously starting to pay off. I still feel demotivated and have to really push myself just to do the small things like doing the laundry and brushing my teeth but I am on my way to a healthier mind and body.